


Say Anything

by joufancyhuh



Series: Just Married [5]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fake Marriage, Unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-24 05:50:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13804770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joufancyhuh/pseuds/joufancyhuh
Summary: A flight lieutenant falls in love with his commanding officer and best friend and sort-of ex-wife.





	Say Anything

“Can we talk, Commander?”

Mayson glanced up from her datapad to where Joker stood awkwardly in front of her, lifting his cap to scratch at his head underneath while making a point in keeping his eyes to the floor. She was surprised to find her pilot away from his comfy seat in the cockpit, near pacing before her in the observation deck. 

Mayson sat her datapad to the empty spot next to her. “Should we go to my cabin?” 

He shook his head. “I was thinking somewhere off ship.” 

“Ah.” Message received. The two of them avoided talk of their personal business aboard the ship in case of Cerberus bugs. And what would they talk about other than their marriage, a topic they were forced to avoid on board, in case Cerberus discovered its false start? In truth, she yearned to discuss it with him, amoung other topics such as his shift in attitude when dealing with her.

He acted like the perfect Flight Lieutenant, she couldn’t find a reason to critique his work, but their friendship strained with a new tension that entered since her awakening, one she didn’t dare ask him about with so many spies present.

“So, public place or private? We can grab some food or-”

“Private.” When Joker saw her confused reaction to his abrupt response, he backpedaled. “We can get delivery. But private.”

She pulled up a list of hotels on her omni-tool. “We dock at the Citadel tomorrow. Should I book us a room for the night? At the very least, it gives us a chance to relax off ship.”

He nodded, hooking a finger into the collar of his shirt and stretching it out, his face a little flushed. “Yeah, do that.”

She keyed in a few figures then snapped the screen closed. “Okay, booked.” She glanced to Joker. “Is everything alright? We can always go upstairs and-”

“It’s fine. We’ll talk tomorrow.” Joker limped back out the door, Mayson’s eyes trailing after him.

The exchange was curious at best, but all exchanges with him were now. Two years was a long time to be comatose, and she didn’t know what happened to him after Alchera. This time-out could be good for them both. Maybe she could find out what changed between them and fix it. She craved normalcy since her reawakening, and her and Joker was a great place to start.

* * *

 

She booked them a small suite with two large beds, a Jacuzzi tub, and a stunning view of the Presidium from their 135th floor room. She wasted no time ordering a buffet of treats from various local restaurants and changing into one of the plush white monogrammed robes the hotel provided. Benefits of working for a corporation, she had the money to splurge like this with her new salary.

While waiting for Joker to meet her at the room, she flicked on the news in an attempt to reacquaint herself with the galaxy. One of her old uniform photos plastered on the screen, the running title underneath reading, “Commander Shepard Sightings: Is She Still Alive?”

She turned up the volume, laughing at the skepticism of the newscaster. “I’m right here, you ass,” she yelled at the tv just as Joker used his keycard to enter the room.

She threw one of the pillows from her bed at him. “You’re late. I ordered the food without you.” When he didn’t respond, she motioned towards the screen. “I’m apparently newsworthy again.”

“So this is what passes for news now.” He took a seat on the edge of his bed, only to get back to his feet, pacing the floor with his brow wrinkled and fists clenching and unfurling.

“Relax, Joker. Geez, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen you so tense before.”

“We have a lot-”

“I know, a lot to catch up on. But calm down a little, huh? Put a robe on. Make yourself comfortable. The food will be here soon; think you can wait it out?”

His eyes traveled up her body, a foreign ferocity in his eyes when they glanced over the deep vee the robe created, her bare skin peeking through; she got the intense urge to cover herself. But this was Joker, her best friend. It made no sense to tug the belt of her robe tighter, but reasoning didn't stop her.

“Yeah, waiting,” he said, his voice distant as his gaze traveled to the window. “Sounds good.” He sat back down on the bed. 

“I hope you brought your bathing suit.” She crawled across the bed, careful to not let anything peek in the gaps of the robe. Her chest pushed into his back, her arms hugging his shoulders from behind. She peered up from where her head rested on his shoulder, a childish grin on her lips. “I had to go buy one from the Wards. Do you know how hard is it to find a human female store here? Plus carrying my size?”

Joker tended to keep a snarky reply in his pocket, but this new version of him laid a hand where her arms overlapped. “Your old one's still at the house.”

She turned her head so that he couldn't read her surprise that he kept it, or the disappointment that their talk would occur before food. “I'm surprised you kept it. It's just a swimsuit.”

“I..” His fingers dug into her arms. “I wasn't able to…”

“Hey.” His wavering tones tugged at her heart. She leaned him back into her, fingers pulling off his hat so she could run her fingers through his hair to help soothe him. “It's okay. I'm here now.”

She wondered if she could do the same, if he died. Would she leave everything as it was, or try to remove any trace of him from her life?

“But you weren't,” he interjected, shifting to better position himself against her. “And this fucking mission, taking on those fuckers who nearly killed you...” His hand brushed along her bare thigh, shivers raising from where he grazed her. “I don't want there to be any regrets this time.”

“Did you have any?” She combed her fingers through his hair once more before letting her arms dangle over his shoulders, hands brushing his chest, a sigh parting her lips. “I thought we were always honest with each other.”

“The Alliance declared you K.I.A.” His words sounded like a speech he rehearsed in front of the mirror. She pictured it, their sea green bathroom, him staring into the mirror while he practiced appropriate facial expressions, mimicking the voice of the other person while waving his toothbrush around. She saw it happen too many times, his coping mechanism anytime he grew nervous. That didn't bode well for their conversation at hand.

“I'm aware,” she murmured for a response, tempering her thoughts from running away from her.

“They paid out a nice sum, dead wife and all, one I don't intend on paying back now that you're alive.”

She chuckled at that. “Well, it always was about the benefits.”

He didn’t join in on her joke. She knew it corny, but he usually made fun of her in those instances, choosing to laugh at her instead of with. This time, he did neither, staying quiet, perhaps lost in his own thoughts or shuffling through the responses he prepared.

“I think… we’re not married anymore. Technically. With you being considered dead at one point.”

This had to be what he wanted to discuss with her. “Cerberus health benefits got you down already?”

He skimmed down her arm, interlacing his fingers with her own, thumb rubbing circles into the back as a quiet fell between them, restless and pregnant. The first time hadn’t been this hard, a question proposed over ice cream, which reminded her, she needed to let her parents know that she was alive. Her mom would-

“May.”

She gave his hand a little squeeze. “Joker.”

“What if we got married again? For real this time?”

Her spine turned rigid as she untangled herself with him, keeping her face neutral while he half-turned on the bed, eyes pleading with her to say yes. “What, like last time wasn’t real enough for you?”

A shitty joke, but the only thing she could manage without her mouth hanging open in surprise. Married, them? For real married?

“I’m trying to tell you that I love you, May.”

The world slowed down, her heart thumping in her ears, suddenly so much louder than before.

A knock rapped at the door, a thankful intrusion as Mayson jumped up to grab the food from the delivery guy. She near invited him in after grabbing the four large bags out of his hands, something to break this awkward spell Joker cast them under. Him, feelings?

That explained his weird mood, at least.

But feelings were so very very far from normal, and she so very very much needed normal right now. She forced a smile when she came out of the small hallway, holding up the four bags packed with various treats around the Citadel. “Food’s here.”

She observed his confliction on whether to keep pressing the issue versus eating, his stomach eventually giving in. He slid off the bed to where she worked to set up their buffet, a wide variety of sushi and pastas and subs. Cerberus provided better food, but nothing beat a greasy chicken parmesan sub from some hole-in-the-wall diner. She loaded her plate to capacity before taking off toward the balcony, the air in the room heavy with his confession.

She needed to get into the fresh air. As she plopped into one of the two metal lounge chairs, the artificial sun setting over the Presidium, she sighed, balancing her plate on the chair while opening her first beer of the night.

Joker joined her, eyes kept to himself, the tension following him outdoors.

The two ate in silence, gazes locked on the skyline while avoiding conversation. When her plate cleared to crumbs, her stomach groaning under the excess to which she ate, she leaned back in her chair, her empty beer can dangling from her fingers over the arm. “I don’t know what you expect me to say.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted his head turn in her direction. “Say yes. We were married before and it worked fine. _We_ work fine.” 

“But what you’re asking, it’s different and you know it.” She raised the empty can to her lips, cursing herself for not grabbing a new one before bringing the conversation back up. “Feelings complicate things, like marriages and friendships. We worked so well together _because_ we weren’t a couple.”

“Nothing has to change.” Joker cracked open a fresh can, handing it off to her. In her drive not to glance over in his direction, she missed him bringing the entire case with him. “I mean, change for the worse.”

She took a swig after crumbling the empty can and dropping it to the ground. “Hasn’t it already?” The lights below began to twinkle as twilight spread over the area, an encroaching darkness that mirrored their conversation. She prayed to no one in particular that he wouldn’t force her to say the words she carefully avoided.

Instead, she broke the lull with a change in subject. “Is this about sex? Cause that’s a different question. That, I can do.” He wasn’t unattractive, and yeah, it might make this between them messy, but it appeased what he asked for, a settlement halfway between their two camps.

“Not sex.” He shifted so that his entire body faced her, legs over the side of his chair. “Stop dicking around, Mayson, and give me a clear answer. You know what I’m asking.”

“Fuck,” she breathed, the can in her hand denting under her grasp. “Don’t make me say it, Jeff. Don’t turn me into the bad guy.” She dared herself to glance over, watching the confidence deflate in his shoulders. “I hope we can still be friends. You know you’re the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“Yeah.” He rose to his feet, starting toward the door but pausing as he reached the glass. “Don’t I know it.”

She listened to him gather up his things from inside, the door slamming behind him on his way out. She didn’t know where he headed, if he aimed back to the ship or to a different hotel. She sighed, burying her head in her hands.

The night wasn’t supposed to go like this.


End file.
